This has never been my strongest subject and I approach it now with caution. In a comment on my last post, Heather raised the issue of cheating and I figured I'd tackle it. I don't have much else to report on these days (except a nice round of topping Mera last night, which is a rare and awesome treat).
I don't have the greatest track record when it comes to fidelity and I have often proclaimed that monogamy isn't something we should bother with, as a species, anyway. I don't know what happened to my scorpio loyalty, I guess it manifests in different ways. I have cheated (in often very small, yet very still-cheating, sort of ways) on many of my girlfriends. It usually runs this course: I get together with a new girlfriend who I love so much and spend all my time with, I rush into a serious relationship with that girlfriend without thoroughly vetting her, I probably move in with her after about 6 months, all our incompatibilities come streaming to the surface, I go into deep, deep denial for a few months, I don't know what else to do so I end up kissing some woman in a bathroom and my girlfriend breaks up with me.
Sound familiar? I like to think I'm older and wiser now and it's been quite awhile since I've engaged in this behavior, but for a good ten years, this was my m.o. And I don't think I'm the only one ever to struggle with this problem. I think it's more a backbone deficiency than a problem with fidelity. I was too weak to end a relationship that was clearly dead in the water, so I lingered miserably and opened myself up to temptation. I tried a couple of times to avert this tragedy by embracing polyamory, but it never worked. I had an open relationship with my drunk ex-wife, but for some reason I never took advantage of that opportunity to have my cake and eat it too. She did, repeatedly. And I would become insanely jealous and angry. It was a real eye-opener.
Later, after SK and I broke up last summer, I entered a phase of single-polyamory, which basically just meant I was dating a lot of random people and not seriously interested in any of them. As soon as I met Mera, though, all bets were off. Unfortunately, I announced to her on our very first date that I was polyamorous and had cheated on most of my girlfriends. These proclaimations were mostly exaggerated, but tell that to Mera. She believed them completely, as a matter of self-preservation, and she will probably never let me live them down.
She's naturally jealous and possessive -- manifestations of her fear of abandonment and rejection. I can live with all of these because I'm actually pretty jealous and possessive myself and I'm pretty content to cling to Mera and promise eternal fidelity as long as she doesn't leave me. After all, she keeps me pretty happy and we're both allowed to end it all if it stops working for us. I can tolerate her paranoia and her endless questions about every possible opportunity I may or may not have to step out on her, and she's not so crazy that she tries to stop me from doing things, so it works out.
I'll write more about polyamory in another post someday, but let's talk about cheating. Have you done it? Has your partner? Have you ever been "the other woman?" Here are two polls to start the conversation, but please feel free to comment with stories, I love to read what you have to say.