I was just reading over my last post and the comments that accompanied it and I realized I was somewhat remiss. I wrote about my interest in guy-on-guy porn, but I forgot to mention the fact that I've completely fetishized the penis. Forgive me if I've written about this already, I tend to forget what ground I've already covered. But it seems incomplete to talk about guy-on-guy porn without mentioning that I've got a thing for the weenie.
I should admit also that I've never had vaginal intercourse with a penis. (Some voice inside my head can't stop itself from saying "THANK GOD!") Yet, I've had a "handful" of interactions with them in my day... so to speak. And... perhaps... a mouthful once or twice? (Did you just throw up a little? Sorry.) But really, besides those (literally) five interactions in my entire life with weenies, I've had no other contact and my imagination has been left to go crazy.
For me, the penis is the ultimate sexual totem. The erect penis practically throbs with desire and stimulates something in me that I can't completely explain or even comprehend. As you may know, the penis and the vulva grow out of the same bits of fetal materials, they're not so different. When I see an erect penis I feel the potential of being penetrated and I also feel my own "erection" mirrored. The erect penis is a larger than life version of my own engorged clit. It can fuck me, but it can also represent my own sexual desire.
My masturbation fantasies are almost exclusively about men. There's another confession for you. I don't think it's just the power of the penis that drives those fantasies, I think it's possible for me to get off on men because I get to project all my own ideas onto them. I haven't had a boyfriend since I was 17 years old, and none of my two and half boyfriends were particularly serious anyway. I've had no *real* connections with men at all, so fantasizing about men is like fantasizing about some tropical island somewhere. In my fantasy it can be whatever dreamy thing I want it to be without any of the gritty sand, rotting fish, poisonous spiders, rabid monkeys or whatever other unpleasant junk might wind up on a tropical island. For me, men are blank slates, uncomplicated by emotional entanglements or any kind of reality, for that matter. I guess, now that I think about it, I objectify them when I use them in my masturbatory fantasies. Huh. I guess that's ironic.
Anyway, I don't guess I'm going anywhere with this, just trying to get back in the swing of thinking and writing about sex after a little lag. My sex life lagged and my writing life lagged, mostly because I started my new job, changed my schedule, and haven't completely adjusted to it all yet. After a month of the new job and new schedule, I'm starting to settle into a new rhythm and things are feeling normal again. A new version of normal, but normal all the same. Fortunately, and surprisingly, through all the changes, my emotional bond with Mera never faltered. We stayed just as attached as ever, which feels like a small miracle to me. I am so thankful for this relationship, more thankful every day, and know that it will only keep getting better.
But I digress. What about you? What do *you* fantasize about? Sorry Heather, no poll this time either. Not sure how to make a poll about this one, though I promise another poll soon. They're so entertaining for me. But so are your awesome comments, so keep them coming. You guys rock.