I never thought I'd be at a loss for something new to say about sex... As much as I like to think about, read about, and actually, occasionally HAVE sex... I don't have anything to say about it anymore. Why???
I blame the weather, number one. The weather is shitty. There was the hope of summer weather a few weeks ago, but it was quickly replaced by grey skies and clouds, the kind of weather you might expect in November, but you kinda hope will be over by June. This return to chilly grey has prematurely squelched my spring rut. Dammit all. As soon as it gets hot again, I expect my sap will start to flow again at least a tiny bit...
Then there's Mera's sexual dysfunction. I guess that's something to write about... She went from strong and confident in the beginning, to anxious and hesitant. Last night she fucked me with the cock... and she was actually slow and gentle. GENTLE!?!? No matter how much I said "harder, harder" and "don't hold back," she still kept it nice and easy. I asked her later why she'd been so easy and she said she did it for me. Wow. Don't be gentle for me. Please.
She's definitely in the midst of a major sexual identity crisis and I have no idea how to help her. The crisis exists on two fronts. One: the gender front. She's used to being the total top, the stone-cold-don't-touch-me-don't-remind-me-I'm-a-girl top. And then I came along and started fucking her right from the beginning... and she LIKES IT. And she finds that to be very confusing.
And then there's the performance front. She's used to believing she's the best lay on the planet. She's used to being treated like god's gift to hot sex. And I'm not saying that she's NOT the best lay on the planet, but she's aware that she doesn't make me come, and she's aware that there are things I like that she doesn't necessarily do... and that baffles her. And it makes her feel inadequate. I don't really know how to reassure her. Sex with her IS totally hot, but as much as I say it, it never sinks in.
Of course there's the "too busy" front -- ie: she's just too goddamn busy. She's in grad school, she works two jobs, she worries about all sorts of things and has insomnia, etc, etc, etc. She's super stressed out and I guess sex has kinda fallen off the planet in her mind. She keeps saying "I can't wait for my schedule to change, then we can actually fuck more." But I don't know if that will make a difference.
Don't get me wrong, things are great with Mera. I love her so much and I have never felt so compatible, so sure, so well-matched and happy. And that's all the more reason for me to write about the troubles, because people should know it's ok to have troubles, to talk about them and work on them. That's life. I know this isn't the first time I've written about these troubles, and it probably won't be the last. I just hope you guys aren't bored.
And what about you guys? How are things in YOUR relationships? Things going along ok? Hitting any snags? Those of you in Portland... how's the weather impacting you, if at all? Talk to me.