control

The irony is that I finally got around to starting this sex blog during a dry spell. Things had been hot and heavy between me and Mera from day one, but the past two weekends had not been so fruitful. Fortunately, the dry spell ended last night (woo-hoo!) and even though I'm a little underslept today, my soul is feeling a lot more peaceful.

So, with good sex still lingering in my mind, I'll begin. I mentioned this in my last post briefly: Mera and I have a role-oriented sexual relationship. It isn't *totally* rigid, but it's pretty clear. Ever since Mera started fucking women (about 14 years ago, give or take) she's been a top. She was trained by her very first female lover to top and to fuck almost exclusively with a strap-on. Mera's first sexual relationship with a woman (which lasted almost two years) was so heavily dependant on strap-on sex, Mera had no idea that many, many lesbians never use them at all. She assumed strap-ons were the way of the lesbian world.

As for me, I've always had a tenuous relationship with penetration. My body has never seemed structurally compatible with the concept and I was fortunate enough to skip the "fucking men" portion of life. Never fucking men has given me the freedom to avoid penetration as much as I want. And that's just what I did for many years, until I met a woman in Ohio who was into S/M and who was the first to fuck me with a strap-on.

Wow. I was 24 and had been fucking women for six years, but I felt a whole new world open up that first night. It was a little uncomfortable at first, but the sensation of being open and entered -- well it was new for me. And it was awesome. I remember running home and journaling about how amazing it had been. We tried it once again a few nights later and the magic was somehow gone, it felt weird and painful and that was the end of it for us.

I had a few more brushes with the strap-on in my next few relationships, and I liked it more and more each time, but something was missing, something wasn't quite right. Strap-on sex never became a steady feature of any of my sexual relationships, although I felt a pull towards it, a pull towards a new kind of exploration.

Enter Mera. With Mera, I realized that the missing element in all the other relationships was dominance. I almost had it with the woman in Ohio: she identified as a top and I felt a strong natural inclination towards being a bottom. I was powerfully drawn to it. I longed for that top/bottom relationship I'd read about (because I've read a lot more about sex than I've had it, it seems): the trust, the bond, the care and control of the top and the love and submission of the bottom. It felt like a safe kind of relationship, where the roles were understood and everyone was protected and nurtured.

Unfortunately, the woman in Ohio didn't really have the follow-through and our top/bottom relationship never took off. With Mera, it was there right from the beginning (albeit nascent) and has been evolving very organically ever since. Mera's not (always) a stone-top (more on that in another post), and her dominance doesn't extend to other parts of the relationship. It's just there in the sex. And it's hot.

Maybe you're wondering what's so hot about being dominated? Or maybe you're wondering what that means exactly? Well I'll tell you: it all starts with my slow-coming orgasms. Getting me to cum is no easy feat and hats off to all the ladies who have persevered and attained the goal. My body is this complicated maze of erogenous zones, and it all has to be navigated in the right order, at the right speed, in exactly the right places or else: nada. If you're fucking me to make me cum, you might get bored waiting and trying, and I've learned that no amount of coaxing and directing can really help. I'm the only one who really knows my body well enough to pull it off in under five minutes.

The thing about Mera's dominance that's so hot is that she isn't fucking me for me, she's fucking me for HER. She cums about 150 times while she's fucking me, she's selfish, she grabs me and squeezes me and holds me down and fucks me harder and she just cums and cums and cums. She will never, ever be bored while fucking me. I will never have to worry about whether her arm is getting tired or whether she's secretly resenting me. Her selfishness allows me to relax and enjoy the experience. And do I cum? YES! Not 150 times like Mera, but at least once and that's more than enough for me, thanks. The whole thing feels so incredibly awesome, I wouldn't care if I never came.

I recognize that I'm unique. I've never fucked men and penetration has been something I've totally controlled from the beginning. Even now, despite Mera's dominance, I can obviously still say no, and I'm the one picking out the cocks we use. I don't have any bad baggage about enduring the hours of redundant pounding by sweaty, grunting men (or boys). I'm more or less a clean slate here and it just happens that I love Mera to take charge, throw me down and give it to me like there's no tomorrow, as much as she wants, as hard and fast as she wants, whatever. I'm in fucking heaven. Literally.

There's so much to write about all these subjects: penetration, dildos, roles, power dynamics, etc, etc. Way too much for one post. But this is just a start. Thanks so much to everyone for commenting on the underwear post. This is exactly the kind of exchange I was hoping to start. You guys rock. I'd love to read comments on this subject as well and ideally would love to see the comments in this blog take on as much importance and hold as much info as the blog posts themselves. It's good for all of us to share.