Saturday, February 16, 2008

switch

I wrote at length in a previous post about Mera's identification as a top and my growing role as a bottom. As time passes and our relationship develops, our top/bottom roles develop as well and I'm excited to watch the progression and to go places with Mera that I've never gone with anyone else before. Going further and further into a role can free you to experience things you could never experience otherwise.

However, as I mentioned before, these roles aren't completely rigid and Mera isn't *always* a stone top. For those of you who aren't familiar with this term, a "stone top" does the fucking and doesn't get fucked. Stone tops like Mera also don't want to be touched sexually while they're fucking. I can't speak for Mera, and I could write a whole treatise on the subject of *why* a stone top doesn't want her tits touched while she's pounding her bottom, but I will share my own experience: I *also* don't like to be touched sexually when I'm fucking someone because I find it to be distracting. I have found that it turns a lot of women on to touch me while I'm fucking them, and so, for the sake of these lovers, I have learned to tolerate it, but it's never my first choice of experience. I'd much prefer a nice, clean topping experience without the mix-up of energy.

But I digress. A true stone top would never get fucked, but Mera isn't a true stone top. It's a dirty little secret of hers, she's not proud of it, but she likes to be rolled over occasionally. In past relationships, she's told me she often makes her partners wait months if not a whole year before she feels comfortable letting them touch her sexually. She says that by the time she's finally ready to be fucked, her lovers are often so sexually intimidated by her that they're actually *afraid* to fuck her, afraid they won't be able to do it well enough. This doesn't speak to how scary Mera is, it speaks to how good in bed she is. After working her magic on someone for months, they start worrying that they'll never measure up.

That's a shame. Needless to say, Mera and I did not have this problem in our relationship. Because, as the truest example of the magic of our relationship, I TOPPED MERA FIRST. I know. It was a miracle and I couldn't quite believe it was happening that second night we spent together, but boy was it awesome! You want details? Can you handle details? Ok, here you go...

Of course Mera started out in charge and after a few minutes of the basic warm-up, she asked me to sit on her face. I've never been much of a face-sitter but I was happy to comply with whatever Mera wanted. I got myself into position and found myself clutching at the wall as she worked her magic down below. I don't know about you, but I can only sit up on my knees balancing precariously on someone's face for so long. After awhile, my thighs started to cramp up and I relaxed and let myself down a little. I ended up sort of sitting on Mera's stomach and suddenly, before I even knew what was happening, my hands were reaching around behind me, stroking her thighs and heading into the danger zone of her muff.

I expected, knowing her identification as a top, that she would push me away at any moment. So I braced for the push-off, yet forged ahead into this new territory. Much to my surprise, no push-off ever came and I ended up topping her in about 100 different ways for the next two hours. I never expected her to erupt into such a pillow queen! When it was all over and the dust had settled, she opened her eyes as though coming out of a deep trance or a coma and said, "Oh my god, I can't believe I let you do that!"

I was afraid there would be a backlash, and there was the first few times I topped her. Being topped, especially so early in the relationship, is something that Mera had a hard time incorporating into her identity. She likes it, but it doesn't fit with the way she understands herself. Those first few times, she would wake up the next morning feeling vaguely unsettled and a little distant. She worried that if she lost her status as top, she wouldn't have anything unique to offer anymore and she wouldn't be able to hold someone's attention for long. She probably had other more complicated reactions that I can only guess at. As our relationship evolved, though, I learned to manage these switches a little better. Now I spend more time stroking her top-ego and I tell her that even when I'm topping her, she's still *really* the one in charge. That's basically bullshit, but it makes her feel better.

4 comments:

Trinity2 said...

I've always been in the top role as I am the butcher one in the relationships and I tend to date very feminine women who like the to play the bottom role. However, I love to be a bottom from time to time! I guess that makes me versitile.

Grumpy Granny said...

This is an interesting topic. I guess when I think of "top" and "bottom" I have images of a planned out "scene" where one partner is dominating the other, maybe with tieing up, etc. Maybe it's not so dramatic as that. Because my wife is disabled, there are many times that she just doesn't have a lot of feeling in her genital area, yet she gets TOTALLY turned on making love to me (being a "top") I guess. And I reap the benefits of unbelieveable orgasms, so no one is complaining! But, there are also times where we may be sitting on the couch and I have this surge of desire and become the "aggressor" or perhaps "initiator" is a better term, and then I will "top" her, even if I'm not actually on top. I think everything just works better if people can be fairly fluid (no pun intended) about who does what before, during, and after sex. I certainly don't define who I am by what position I might take in bed. Sometimes, I want to be "taken", other times, to take, and still other times, it's more of a mutual thing. But whatever face it takes, what happens with me and my wife when we're in bed is always beautiful.

koen said...

It's amazing to me how different I am sexually with the partners I've had throughout my life. I have certain things I like doing especially, of course, but the roles I play with my girlfriend are unique to the relationship. I allow my sexuality to change as I grow older, discovering my own willingness as well as my rigidity.

reasonably prudent poet said...

this is such an interesting topic. i think for a lot of people, fluidity is really important. although, fluidity might mean different things to different people. fluidity might mean "balance" or "equality" in each sexual encounter, or it might mean the ability to be topped one night and to top the next. i think there's a difference between being the intiator and being a top. and i also think "top" and "bottom" are not descriptive of sexual positions as much as they are designations of control. you can top from the bottom, as it were. that's often how it goes with me and mera when i'm "topping" her. the truth is, i'll never really top her because i'm not a psychological top and she is. even when i appear to be topping her, i'm actually just "servicing" her. she remains in control. i plan to write much more on this topic in the future. there's so much ground to cover!